i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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