Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
