We're facebook friends in real life
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
