the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
only you would photoshop your dick
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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