i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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