I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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