Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
