At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
