I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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