Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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