So drunk, too bad you don't want this
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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