what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
