i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
