yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
