I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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