You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We are all done wearing pants today
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
