if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
