nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
