That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Found the puke drawer
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
