i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
