I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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