My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
