Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
