I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
