Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
