the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My life is pants optional.
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