Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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