FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
