The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I cut my penus on the lid.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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