i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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