Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
