The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
