I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
