I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The air was thick with penises
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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