He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
