i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just had sex on a roof
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
