This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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