So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
