I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
should my penis look like a turkey
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
