Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
