my vag is so smooth its legendary
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
