youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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