respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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