Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
