i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
