i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
