How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
