Four minutes until I can fart!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
