are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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