She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
