I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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