I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
