Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
