I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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